friendship is a relative thing. look at it this way, and you realize the expectations you had from someone was never up to the standard. look at it another way, and suddenly it’s as clear as crystal that you were nothing but a pawn. look at it from another position, and .. maybe it’s just you.
a close friend of mine told me that, the closest bond you can make with a friend is one that doesn’t require constantly seeing each other, always talking .. and despite of that, when you DO see them, you fall back into an easy, comfortable routine, peppered with enlightening conversations and easy hugs.
simply put, your true friends are always there, even when it appears that they’re not.
isn’t that food for thought, or what?
the guy who told me that? we went a long time back, as far as drama and backbiting and gossips were concerned. i don’t have to go into details, but in that process, i learned a lot about myself, and about everyone around me. who took whose side doesn’t matter anymore, but it’s sufficient to say that most of my friendships at that period exceeded their expiry date.
and yet look at the both of us now :)
back when i was a little more popular in school, i prized my social life above everything else. every week, there was a party, a plan, a shopping trip, a movie outing. maybe i was superficial. maybe i was just extremely vain. maybe i shouldn’t have trusted all those bastards and bitches pretending to be everything they were not, maybe i was a little stupid. but when you’re 14 or 15, that’s life. if you’re a late bloomer, i guess it hits you at 17.
i’ve come a long way since then. looking around, i’m wondering if i grew up, or if everyone else was never in the position that i was in, therefore there is no need for a change. but the thing about having lots of friends is that, there is always a conflict of interest.
i’m that girl who used to be good, then apparently turned bad, and now it’s the understatement of the year to say that i’ve toned down a lot. my older friends; they’re all still under the impression that i’m a hard partier. but any one of these days, if they drop by in school, they’d be shocked at this girl i’ve transformed into.
by that, i mean i don’t get into trouble anymore, and any random day of the week i’m probably busy catching up on hmwk, or rushing for tuition classes. high-profile? HARDLY. clubbing, smoking, drinking, hooking up and all that? sigh.
whether you like it or not, people grow up. people change. like rocks under tremendous pressure and high temperature, put into a tough position, and we’re forced to adapt to our surroundings. sometimes, it’s voluntarily. sometimes, you just have to. for me, it was a strange mix of both, because i’ve realized that people are going to talk and bitch no matter what, and because i’ve had my share of the stupid stupid stupid high school drama, and because you have be true to yourself, and love yourself first, before you’re capable of loving your boyfriend or your friends.
fighting over the same guy; bitching about who did what to who when and where; being jealous because you didn’t get credit for the things you worked for; flaring up over the smallest, pettiest things .. and you really start to wonder how you stay sane in school.
in one of my short essays, this is what i wrote:
i used to think that having as many friends as i could gain would make me popular, and then as a direct result, happy. but the truth is, being a teenager is not as easy as some adults typically dismiss it to be. high school is a war place crawling with vultures; teenagers don’t really care about preserving feelings when it came to who they backstab and gossip about, especially concerning popularity.
having many friends may have given me my fifteen minutes of fun and popularity but it came with a price i wasn’t prepared to pay. over the years, i’ve realized that the only person i can count on at the end of the day is myself, and not the random people calling to ask what i’m wearing to the mall tomorrow or what a girl has said about my hair.
good friends are like diamonds, you see, and deserve to be treasured at all times.
…
sometimes i feel i’m older than my age; simply because i’m so bloody jaded. i’ve been disappointed countless times, and rationally, logically, mercilessly, there’s no reason for me to give a shit anymore. i do what i wanna do when i wanna do it; but believe me when i say i’m always within my boundaries. sure, it doesn’t seem like that, but who are we kidding here, because you’re not me. you wouldn’t understand. i don’t expect you to.
the thing about being Su Ann is that .. you think you know me, but i’ll constantly prove you wrong.
i know i’m rambling, but this is as honest as it gets. besides, it’s been a while since a post like this.
and i sincerely hope this doesn’t get plagiarized, like a fair number of my posts. it sucks being a blogger sometimes. can i copyright my blog?
if i could, i’d choose to be as different as possible from everyone else. but sometimes i think, i’m already there. i’m the black sheep in the family, after all.
it’s not so different, when you think about it.
