i’m lounging around the house, after falling into a dreamless sleep for four hours right after coming home, and something hurt.
at first i thought it was an antbite. a mega gigantic antbite.
then i figure it’s probably the never-healing blisters i get from heels.
or maybe, you know, all the inflicted cuts.
or my regular migraines. and my stomach cramps.
after a while, it dawned on me that the pain i was feeling was nothing physical at all. or maybe it was, if you’d like to be literal.
because.
it’s my heart that’s hurting.
sometimes, we don’t want to see the things that happens right in front of our eyes. we choose to pinpoint the faults on everything BUT the real reason why things fall apart, why avalanches happen, why the ball started rolling. because they say, ignorance is bliss. maybe if you pretend nothing’s wrong, all the bad things will go away, like when you’re five years old, and the world vanishes behind a black curtain when you cover your eyes with you hands. but somehow, i think we’re all past that point. i know, from experience, that if you ignore something long enough in the hope that things get better, well, it’s almost like digging your own grave.
we all don’t want to admit that our lives aren’t exactly perfect. it’s easier to pretend nothing’s wrong, and i’m living proof of that. it’s easier to put on a mask, right? it’s easier to smile when you’re bleeding, than trying to explain why you feel like crap, because your mind is a confused tangle of what ifs, of crossroads, of the tension in the air you can cut with a knife.
but i really, honestly believe that ..
things have to get worse before they can get better.
and please don’t tell me i’m being too optimistic. for once, i’d like to hope. that maybe, we’re all healing now.
…
edit:
happy anniversary to sillypig and erm, mr sillypig ;) i know you think it’s superstitious and stuff but before you freak, i didn’t put your real names so its okay! it’s not a jinx! :)
and happy birthday to dinesh’s mom, although she doesn’t read this haha.
i think.
