Blind Sheep

It has been 10 days since I last updated this blog. More and more I find that I have nothing to express anymore. Is this part of growing up? Maybe my creativity has peaked. It happens. Some peak at 15, 16, and then it’s all downhill from there. My childhood dream was always, always to be a writer. I was naive. Now that I’m older, I don’t quite know what I want anymore. I’m channeling what little creative juices I have these days into clothes, fashion, styling. I cannot say I’m exceptionally good at it, but it makes me happy. The happiness is short-lived, but beggars can’t be choosers.

… Now, shall I discuss Bersih 3.0?

I feel differently this time around, compared to Bersih 1.0 and Bersih 2.0. I was so full of patriotic pride, the last two installations. I was so disgruntled, so self-righteous, zapping the unbelievers left right center. I love this country, I said to myself. We need a change. And yet today, something was missing. Here is my question this year: Do you know what you are really fighting for? The Bersih supporters and the ones who rally against it: DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE REALLY FIGHTING FOR? It’s an important question, you know. It’s a heavy question. Oh, sure, everyone’s on fire over the topic right now. My Facebook timeline and Twitter updates are flooded with anti-and-pro Bersih supporters. Some are really, really good at it too; some are really persuasive, full of righteous anger: “I love this country! We need to fight for our future! We need a better tomorrow, a better Malaysia for our children, our grandchildren!” Some of the anti-Bersih supporters are equally fired up, presenting their opinions peppered with words like “violence doesn’t solve  matters” “we need law reforms” and “freedom of speech is curbed for a reason.”

And then we have the really ignorant fools: “FUCKED UP! Because of Bersih 3.0, I couldn’t head out to Zouk last night! Because of all these fuckers protesting, there’s traffic jam everywhere! Now I can’t go out and do my shopping and watch The Avengers!”  and  “Fuck politics! It divides us all! Fuck it! Hate both sides equally!”  and  “Babi Najib! Fucking anjing policemen! Screw the government! Wanna have peaceful protest also cannot! I hate the government, I hate the police, I hate everything! No, I don’t need your comments about this!”  and  “All you Bersih supporters, I hope you go to hell! Padan muka kena teargas! Fucking violent assholes! Gov. take care of you all this while, still tak puas hati! Pergi mampus la! Nak bantah, nak protest, buat lahh kat ruman! Ambiga Ambabi!”

No wonder I’m so tired, from having to read all this shit.

Here is a simple rule we learned way back in kindergarten: If you have nothing nice to say, then don’t say it at all.

I love this country, you know. Really, I do. But for all you people who say things like “Bersih 3.0 has united more people than the 1Malaysia concept ever did,” are you blind? It’s not uniting us in any way. It’s driving us more and more apart. Yeah, sure, you’re connected in the crowd. You’re all walking together, braving the teargas, shouting out anti-BN slogans – but wait, wasn’t it supposed to be a peaceful protest with no political affiliations whatsoever? Then why the anti-BN attitude? Then why the pro-opposition rallying cries?

It’s easy to get swept up in the current. It’s easy to lose your head. Do you know what you are really fighting for? We all want a better future, a country we can all be proud of – but in the midst of all this we’re still picking on things like races, we’re calling each other derogatory terms like anjing and babi, the pro-gov blame everything on the opposition and the pro-opposition blame everything on the gov. Is this fair? I cannot help but wonder if some of the Bersih supporters I know walked during Bersih 3.0 today simply because it’s cool, it’s trendy to hate on the government; I know for sure that some of my associates hardly ever read the news but still call Najib a dog. You ask them about latest news and development, and they come up blank. They don’t know anything. My point is this: If you’re not informed, HOW CAN YOU MAKE A STAND? I’m not saying I support the government. I’m not saying I’m pro-opposition. But I believe it is important, it is vital to know and to understand both sides of the story before going around having baseless, heated debates with everyone else if they don’t support your own personal views.

Maybe I have no say in this – I’m 8 months shy of being able to vote, I have never attended any of the 3 Bersih walks, I’m not particularly into politics. But unlike a majority of people who are really, really fired up right now… I’m just kind of  disappointed, disheartened, and disgruntled.

Which is kind of sad, you know.

(My condolences go out to the ones who passed on today during the rally. Details are unclear and sketchy, but I’ve heard that three have died, and many more heavily injured. It is interesting to note that only the protest in KL was chaotic – other rally spots in Ipoh, etc. were conducted pretty smoothly with no outbreak of violence whatsoever. Who do we blame for this?)

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

Just got back from a long, long day/night of: some mini alterations, some Rolling Around In Bed, reunion dinner at my Uncle’s @ Ampang (where I dropped my blackberry and now it’s basically useless and my OCD is preventing me from enjoying myself whatsoever), a temple visit at Petaling Street (‘cos Thean Hou Temple was overcrowded according to live news so I DIDN’T GET MY FORTUNES READ AGAIN THIS YEAR </3), and then we spent four hours at my cousin’s place watching silly CNY shows, eating too much CNY cookies, gambling, drinking, whatever…

I’m actually quite tired lahh.

Can’t wait to head to LowYat on Wednesday and fix this damn BB or just get a new phone altogether.

Time for sleep! Driving back to Ipoh early tomorrow morning.

Goodnight everyone!

december december

1st — BM’s 21st at Jarrod & Rawlins, and afterparty at Lust@Changkat.

2nd — bf’s PA for the day. watched Petaling Street Warriors, which was good, but probably would have been better if i had a better command of cantonese and mandarin. did not miss out the double meanings and implications of the Sun Yat Sen scene, though!

3rd — dinner w/ family. happy to see the parents happy. :)

coming up:

9th — cheryl’s farewell party!

10th — Jon’s 21st! tiesto, heineken thirst!

16th — Joshua’s whatever thingy party!

20th to 22nd — Singapore trip! i don’t even want to go anymore! fuckthatshit!

25th — Christmas! Pretty sure I won’t be doing anything, so fuckthatshit x2!

27th — my 20th birthday! don’t much care about hitting the big 2-0, so fuckthatshit x3!

28th to 3oth — thailand!

31st — NYE! haven’t planned out shit yet, but i better get smashed drunk beyond belief like every year since 2008 or it’d be a complete waste of my time!

add in a foam party somewhere in between and i’d say it sounds like a pretty fucking awesome month after all!

excessive exclamation mark because i wanna right now!

 

Can Ducks Fly?

I’M OFFICIALLY A DIPLOMA GRADUATE!

:D

Yes, thank you, I’m rather proud of myself too. Special thanks to V – for showing up, for the flowers, for being nice when I’m at bitch/slut Level 99.

I’ll save the emotional monologue. All I can say is that the past two-and-a-half years have been the best, most profound learning experience of my life. I’ve met all these amazing, wonderful people who will go on SO, SO far in life (who are already going places in life); and I’m just honored to have been there and done that when I could. Choosing to attend college in SS 15, Subang was one of the best decisions I ever made for myself –  even if it meant I did have to wake up at ungodly hours to take the train, hitch rides from friends, or drive 27 mins through three tolls to and back.

I could have gone to UCSI, or HELP… but I had new territories to conquer.

When I completed my SPM I could not wait to enter college, to leave all the bullshit behind, to carve a name where nobody knew anything of me. I was right. College was pretty fucking awesome if I do say so myself.

Along the way, I brushed up on my pool skills, dominated assignments and group works in my patented OCD way, dumped my sorry ex’s ass, broke a few hearts along the way, got a few more ink jobs done, fell in love, fell out of love and fell in love again, became known for being a combination of Smartypants Leader, Slutty Bed-Hopper, Pretty Good Friend, Emergency Fashion Stylist and Fun To Hang Out At Parties With. God, we drank so much. Half the time I was in college, I wasn’t even attending classes – we were all too busy either a) getting high, b) getting drunk, c) nursing a hangover, d) playing l4d, e) playing pool…

But I disgress.

I apologize. I’m always going off rails these days.

Best semester ever has got to be (right after the ending of Semester 3 and) Semester 4.

Yeah, Semester 4.

I shall end with this:

Congratulations Class of 2011! We made it!

And you know they won’t be forgetting our names anytime soon. We revolutionized and rocked and re-defined DMC. We dominated.

:D

Liar Liar

one more class to go, one committee meeting for the upcoming Adv. Advertising campaign, and then i’m gone. nine days of being away from ss15 — complete, utter bliss. this place holds too many memories, and i think i’m just growing out of it.

discussed internship in class today, and i can’t wait till next semester for it! it’s gonna be one helluva experience, and i really don’t understand why people would be terrified about spending 11 weeks in the real industry — we’re all gonna have to step out of college some time.

KEEPING A REALLY POSITIVE MINDSET! if i’m gonna dedicate my life to my career, i may as well start early.

gotta start applying though :)

i think i’ve got my mind set on CLEO, Juice and TheStar. but then again, should i try out PR or maybe even event management? HMM.

…

edit:

goddamnit, i’m hungry.

:(

 

Pictures from Thirst!

please refer to this post :P

#1.

someone’s shoes were really shiny.

#2.

before the chaos :D

#3.

gana :)

#4.

almost everyone!

#5.

san getting molested!

#6.

wev + me.

#7.

with J :)

#8.

visualization kicking off! :D

#9.

there’s just too many things happening in this pic!

#10.

yep, we were gone.

#11.

:D

#12.

it rained confetti :P and yeah actually, it DID rain during the rave! when the confetti sprayed, i just sat down on the ground and i was like … wow.

#13.

so pretty <3

#14.

this is going to sound really silly, but when i saw that i thought to myself, “awesome, i’m hallucinating.” turns out it was really gibberish, and not me going crazy!

#15.

my hand :P

okay, done with today’s post!

time to shower, head on out and do something characteristically reckless.

have a good public holiday everyone!

<3

Post-Rave:

so … yes, Thirst: Godskitchen Boombox was awesome as hell. got to Sepang Int. Circuit at around 9PM (event starts at 6PM, haha) and met up with the rest of them; took shitloads of shots. puked. finally joined the party; drank some more. chemicals kicked in at around 11; just in time for the boombox visualization to start. got so high, i think i saw a glimpse of heaven. and according to my friends, i puked another two  times.

don’t ask me what happened, or which DJs were spinning — i don’t remember shit. left the event and got to AC, ss15; the guys wanted to eat. bought more alcohol and went back to San’s place and drank till about 9AM.

got back home and crashed at 10AM.

i have a massive hangover, and i feel like someone punched me in the face and then threw me in front of a bus — i have bruises and scratches all over my body, and nope, i have no idea how i got them.

woke up at 5PM to discover that my relatives from Ipoh came down! just got back from dinner with them; now time to say goodbye to the internet and entertain the guests :)

despite my general i-feel-like-shit wellbeing.

 

Are You Volkswagen Enough?

head on to Changkat Bukit Bintang tonight — Volkswagen will be holding a street party for the launch of its 3 new models, the Golf, Polo and Scirocco, artists featured include Leona Lewis, The Veronicas, and a couple of other local indie stars like Bittersweet and Liyana Fizi.

party starts at 7PM; admission is free.

see you there.

:)

Inhale, Hold, Exhale

6:21AM

hi!

one more picture of me as a cat.

just got back from a really, really long day. woke up for my class from 2PM till 6PM (missed my 8AM, shit); then shot off to Jaya One for work briefing with Jo, M, and BM. came back to Subang, had dinner with the gang. then went out to Overtime at Sunway Giza with Jo, Als, Pres, KC and Alf. came back to Subang again after 3AM. went out again. and now i’m finally back home.

thank god i have no classes on Fridays.

so anyways,

looks like i’m not sleeping tonight.

i feel totally buzzed …

expect mass blog updates in the next couple of hours.

:)

Happy 53th, Malaysia

The fireworks are going off outside.

It’s my country’s 53th Merdeka anniversary; or in other words, 53th Independence Day.

Everyone I know is out drinking and having fun; and yet I find that I’m lying in bed, wearing my ‘Miss Stubborn’ tee and reading Charles Bukowski poetry like the pretentious nerd I’m turning into. In a while, I’m going to pop my pills and then attempt to sleep.

Happy Merdeka, Malaysia.

I have nothing new to rant about anymore; because I’m pretty sure I’ve covered all that since 2007 in every one of my Merdeka blog posts. I have nothing positive to quip about either. The 18-going-on-19 year old  me is pretty jaded, and I find that these days, I just don’t feel anymore.

Maybe it’s just a phase, that I will hopefully ride out soon enough.

This year’s rather tame Merdeka blog post:

Last Wednesday, while walking to college, I bumped into a couple of reporters from a national TV station; they insisted on a short interview about the national day. “get feedback from the youth, and things like that, you know?” so I stopped for a while, even though I was sort of rushing to meet Als and the bunch. And I felt bad, because these people were obviously just doing their job … and I’m a communications student after all.

So they pointed the camera at me, and shot off random questions.

“This time would mark our what year anniversary for Merdeka?”

“50^th?”

“Are you sure?”

“51^st? I’m sorry, I really just woke up … ”

“We got independence during 1957, and currently it’s 2010 … so … ”

“Okay, 53th then.”

Yeah, I’m sorry. I don’t keep track of the years, and what does it matter anyway? it’s only a number. The interview continued …

“What’s the name of our current Prime Minister? What’s the name for our national flag? Who was our first Prime Minister? How many red stripes are there in our flag? What does the red color symbolize?” and etc, and etc, and etc.

I’m ashamed to admit that I don’t know the full name of our current Prime Minister. Yes, stone me. My memory seems to have frozen over after Mahathir’s reign. However, I answered all the rest of the questions fine. It was like a personal competition for me; the more answers I got right, the better citizen I am towards this country. What was I trying to prove?

The second part of the interview went well; it was some spontaneous Q&A thing. Guy With Cute Shirt asked me what was my name and where was I from. So I turned up the voltage of my smile, looked into the camera and said,

“Hi, my name is Su Ann and I’m from Cheras, KL.”

“Oh, Cheras! Is that near Phoenix Plaza? Do you hang out there often?”

“Erm, yeah, like fifteen years ago. Haha. Phoenix Plaza is actually pretty creepy now, nobody goes there anymore. It’s kinda like, haunted.”

They laughed and nodded very appreciatively. I think I just provided them pretty good sound bite material.

“So what’s your favourite Malaysian dish?”

“Nasi lemak, definitely. God, I’m craving right now.”

“why?”

“because I like hot stuff.”

They laughed again. More sound bites.

“Where’s your favorite spot in Malaysia? It could be anywhere.”

“I don’t know, Cheras, maybe.”

“Why?”

“It’s my escape from Subang. This place gets a little suffocating after awhile. Cheras is my home. It’s where I just sit back and chill, you know? Nobody to impress.”

Which is true. Cheras has always been my escape, even before when I lived in Damansara. I always end up back home in Cheras. My roots have taken up residence here.

“Where do you love to hangout?”

“Erm. I don’t know. Pavillion, maybe.” Completely random, I don’t know why I said that. I could have named any other spots, even Mid Valley or Changkat or Bukit Bintang. But I froze because it was such a random question. I do not actually spend my life in Pav … well, wait, I used to.

“why?”

“because, I don’t know. Sorry that was completely random!”

They laughed. “Well, is it because you like shopping?”

“yeah, I like shopping … but okay fine I go to Pavillion because recently they build this new wishing fountain thing in front at the entrance, and it’s awesome. Everyone just stands there, throwing coins in the air and making wishes out of nowhere. It’s cool, right?” Insert flashing of trademark smile.

At this point one of the cameraman was like, YEAH! THAT FOUNTAIN!

I can’t remember anything else from the interview, but I think maybe it wasn’t so bad. Nope, not looking out for myself in TV. But I think the interview made me realize I need to appreciate this place more.

What do I know of this country, other than its’ food and people and shopping malls and clubbing hideouts? Sometimes I think that’s all I do here.

I want to start somewhere, and do things; things that would mean something, anything. I want to be remembered. I want to make a change. I want to contribute.

Saya anak Malaysia.

okay, i’m done rambling. gonna take my pills and then off to bed i go.

goodnight, all. have a good one :)

…