Half Of My Heart’s Got A Right Mind To Tell You I Can’t Keep Loving You

this depression phase i’m going through is burning a hole in my pocket.

let’s see. i’ve spent about rm100 on cabs the week before this; my trip to the hospital yesterday cost exactly rm216.55; i bought two eyeliners in the past three weeks for like, rm70; all the random, stupid purchases are slowly adding up to insane amounts of money — like scented hand sanitizer, m&ms, black pantyhose, bottles after bottles of 2 liter mineral water, rose hair bands, wtf?; and i just got back from forever 21, where i went completely crazy and parted ways with rm148 for a blue dress and a plain grey top. the moment i walked out of the store, i realized that i don’t even like the color blue! wtf!

this is all your fault.

facebook is getting on my nerves. all these photos; all these happy faces and intimate groups of which i no longer wish to be part of; they’re punching holes in my thinly veiled calm demeanor. i cannot look away.

honestly, all i wanna do now is just fucking shoot someone, anyone.

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A Patched Up Business

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paint a smile. or fake it. even force it, if need may arise. as i’ve been told over and over again, i’m pretty good at … presenting myself in the best light possible. okay, so here’s the bright side: i probably won’t get that job (i accept the fact that i am not nearly as tall or as thin or as pretty as the other 23 girls; so from now on i’ll start a new diet, and maybe get some plastic surgery yay :D FML), but at least that leaves me free for a new tattoo on friday. provided that benny isn’t too occupied.

:)

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Never Miss A Beat

everything is failing on me. it’s like all i do is cry these days. wake up, cry. fag, cry. shower, cry. and another round of crying before i go to sleep. i don’t eat anymore. i don’t think i can stand to have food in my system, on top of all the misery. and i am not kidding when i say i need to see a skin doctor, now. frankly, i just want to go home.

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I Don’t Need Love

so pretty, so smart.
such a waste of young heart.
don’t you see it’s wrong, can’t you get it right?
out of mind, out of sight.

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call on all your girls, don’t forget the boys
put a lid on all that noise!
i’m a satellite heart, lost in the dark.

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i’m spun out so far
you stop, i start
but i’ll be true to you.

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i hear you’re living out of state,
running in a whole new scene
you know,
i haven’t slept in weeks
you’re the only thing i see.

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i’m a satellite heart, lost in the dark
i’m spun out so far
you stop i start
but i’ll be true to you.

the best way i can try.

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Death Cab For Cutie — Meet Me On The Equinox

meet me on the equinox, meet me half way when the sun is perched at its’ highest peak in the middle of the day. let me give my love to you, let me take your hand as we walk in the dimming light … but darling understand that everything, everything ends; that everything, everything ends.

meet me on your best behavior, meet me at your worst for there will be no stone unturned or bubble left to burst. let me lay beside you, darling, let me be your man and let our bodies intertwine … but darling understand that everything, everything ends; that everything, everything ends.

everything,

everything,

everything ends.

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